Tuesday, March 13, 2012

stidh goes to the doctor

Yesterday I get a call from my family doctor and the nice
nurse says I should come in for a followup appointment.

'Followup on what?' I ask.

'Could ya come in tomorrow at 12:30?' She asks.

'Sure,' I say. 'I'm easy.'

So I'm sitting in the examination room, and the doctor walks
in and starts in on me.

'Sue,' He says. 'I've been reading your blog.'

'Great, Doc.' I say. 'Howdja like it? Didja read the way I
covered Bill Maher's interview with the Israeli Ambassador to the U.S.-
on his show Real Time With Bill Maher? Pretty good, huh?'

He looks at me real serious and says, 'Sue, I've been reading what
you wrote about Bill Maher.'

'Oh, that.' I say, a little bit disappointed that he hadn't read my
piece on the interview. 'Doc, everybody knows I'm in love with
Bill Maher. But nobody takes that seriously.'

He looks me right in the eyes and says, 'Sue, do you know Bill Maher?'

'I sure do, Doc.' I answer cheerfully.

'Have ya ever met Bill Maher?' He counters.

'No.' I say.

'Have ya ever talked to Bill Maher?' He also asks.

'No.' I say again, thinkin' he may have me now.

'Well, Sue, then ya really don't KNOW Bill Maher, do ya?'

'Well, no.' I concede.

'Sue, for all ya know Bill Maher may be a jerk - or worse -
a Republican.'

Now I know he's trying to make a joke - cause he's Conservative
himself. He wants to get on my good side - cause he knows
I'm a little upset with him.

But I don't laugh - cause no one talks mean about Bill Maher to me.

The doc sees he's getting nowhere with me, so he says, 'This
appointment is what I like to call - over.'

Now this is where I decide to make my move - cause I'm mad at him
for calling Bill a jerk.

But first I have to give ya a little background on the doc. Ya see -
his wife and two kids are in Colorado - and have been since last fall.
Tomorrow - he's driving out there to pick them up - so they can all
move into their new house here.

Then I let him have it with both barrels.

'Doc,' I say. 'If Bill Maher were here he would tell ya that what's
wrong with you is that ya need to get laid.'

Well - folks - the doc shoots me a dirty look - as we start to walk
out of the office. But I'm on a roll now - so I say, 'And that's not
all, Doc, Bill Maher says that those mean religious people - like in
9/11 - well they might not be doing all that mean stuff - if they
could have just gotten laid.'

That did it. The doc turns to me and says, 'Sue, that's awful. That
is really disgusting.'

I say, 'Doc, I didn't say that - Bill Maher did.'

Then I say, 'Hey Doc, when do ya want to see me next?'

'Come back in a month, Sue.'

'Ok, Doc. And have a nice trip.'


The Absolute Marxist said...

Doctors have no sense of humour...

sue hanes said...

Abso - I didn't want to say this right out - on my blog - but my husband - SOON TO BE MY EX - went to the doctor - under the pretense of getting a checkup - and TALKED ABOUT ME TO THE DOCTOR BEHIND MY BACK.

I had told the doctor that he was NOT to talk to my huband with out me there - and he promised he wouldn't. But he did.

So I was ticked off aobut that.

But I know the doctor likes me - so in spite of what I said - that I wrote about on my blog - we parted friends.

I can't wait to be free of the sonufab*tch - and to start my new life - probably living out of my car - selling paintings on pork and beans cans.

: [

-FJ said...

my therapist always liked to talk to the Mrs. more than me... because she sure as 'h was never going to hear anything negative from me... ;)

sue hanes said...

-FJ - I've been to a few 'therapists' in my time - and let me tell ya - there are yer good therapists - and there are some Real d*psh*t therapists out there.

I Believe that - in some ways - Mental Heath is still in the Dark Ages.

sue hanes said...

Hey -FJ - I Really need for you to make an appearance - anything will do.

I had what ya call a hard night last night - but ya want to know what -FJ? I made it - and that's what counts.

Now if I can make it through Saturday - and that is huge - I'll be ready for anything.

And you know what is going to help me do that?

WHO - that's who - and you.

But then I think you know - that.

-FJ said...

I don't do "cameo's". ;)

sue hanes said...

There's a song -FJ - and a line in it goes - 'I need you now' and sometimes I forget things - and just need to be reminded.

That's what that was all about.

But most importantly - I need someone to be there for me - and you always have.